Casting the Net

When I do educational research for my job, I have a few choices for methods -- quantitative, qualitative, and mixed methods.   Quantitative methods use surveys or other instruments to convert what people say, know, think, and feel into numbers that can be analyzed statistically to figure out whether something is generally true or not true for a group of people.  These are the methods that lead to lots of pretty figures and tables packed with a multitude of strange looking numbers.

If I don't yet have a good idea of what is likely to be true or not true, it often makes sense to fall back on qualitative methods.  These methods use techniques like interviews or focus groups to explore the space of possible answers to a question whose likely answers are not well understood.   Simply put, if I'm having trouble narrowing down where the truth is likely to be, I turn to "casting the net" across the whole space of possible truths related to a particular problem. Once the net is cast and the space is mapped out, I can then start the process of eliminating, one by one, which possibilities are true for most, which are true for some, and which are not true at all.

Although I never actually dove into a Bible with such a technical approach in mind, "casting the net" in my heart has become a good way for me to sort through some of the more difficult issues of truth to which the Bible does not give a straightforward or unambiguous answer.   If the Bible is not offering a black and white answer, I search out a position, adopt it into my heart, and co-exist with it for awhile to see what happens.  While the position lives in my heart, I try to spear it with critical thinking, listen to it through meditation and prayer, turn it over and round and round and upside down, and root out its warts and blemishes.  Every once in a while, the position survives this intense (and annoying) scrutiny and I adopt it for life or at least, a much longer and more stable time.   More often than not, though, the position starts to itch and chafe in my heart, eventually doing so to such an extreme that I toss it out on its backside and return to the net for another position that may provide what I hunger to understand... the truth as God intends me to see and experience it.

As is my usual style, I'll pick a non-controversial issue as an example... homosexuality.   Although I am married and heterosexual, homosexuality has been a long standing issue in my life, for which I keep casting the net, hungering to find the right place for my heart to rest in truth, so that when homosexuality comes up in talking to others, I can be more light than dark in what I say and what I do. Homosexuality is especially confusing for me to understand not only because it's a charged issue in modern Christianity but also because I can't relate to it, so it is hard to put myself in the shoes of others to figure it all out.

I've tried many a position in my heart to find the truth about homosexuality and the eventual itch and chafe of each position has led to its downfall and the seeking of another place of the heart that is closer to the truth.  I realize that I may never find the place in my heart where homosexuality fits just right, but I would rather keep seeking, keep searching for it, than lapse into a narrow position that God does not intend and that sooner or later, becomes hurtful...whether to myself or others or both.

In an effort to keep things simple, I  originally tried the Old Testament Leviticus position:  If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable.  They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.  (Lev 20:13)

But, I ran into a few problems with this verse.  Not only does putting someone to death for homosexual acts seem harsh and contrary to an all loving God, but adopting this position also means that I would have to resist eating pork for the rest of my life and remain in a tent while menstruating -- two additional directives mandated in Leviticus. Among other ways the Leviticus viewpoint chafed in my heart, my employer was never going to go along with the monthly sabbatical in a tent.   So, I rejected this position and cast the net again.

Moving on to the New Testament, I ran into Paul and his letter to the Corinthians:
Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanders nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  (1 Cor 6:9-10)

Onto my heart, this position went and in theory, Paul's verse sets the record straight, clearly sending all drunks, thieves, homosexuals, adulterers, and capitalists to hell. Oops,  that's almost the entirety of Western culture.  Further research indicates that Paul was likely warning the Corinthians of the consequences of straying away from their faith entirely and used these behaviors as examples of their wandering rather than absolutes of the consequences of each.  And, so the journey goes.  I rejected this position and cast the net yet again.

There are of course a few more verses in the New Testament that speak against homosexuality, but all speak to homosexual behavior without a monogamous commitment between two people, because that type of homosexual relationship was unheard of in Biblical times.   And, since the New Testament seems to also condone or at least accept slavery in multiple places, the issue of homosexuality and whether it is fundamentally right or wrong requires more than reading verses, at least for my confused mind (and heart).

After getting stuck on taking Bible verses on the issue literally, I ventured into some of the classic arguments.  Perhaps, homosexuality is just plain wrong because it is contrary to God's design for our bodies.   When I look around and see how much we do with our bodies that is contrary to God's design, whether heterosexual or homosexual, this position too... stalls out in my heart.

Or perhaps it's that a homosexual relationship denies someone the greatest intimacy we have available to us in this life, that which exists between a married man and woman. This position made sense to me for quite a long time.  But, as I looked around me, I saw more and more heterosexual marriages that failed to reach this promise of beautiful intimacy made by God for marriage. And so, this position too, stumbled in my heart, and I had to start over once again.

Casting the net to get closer to the truth. Whether I have been running around in circles or making slow progress to a better understanding, I am not sure.  But, the net gets cast again regardless.

Over several decades, I've cast the net left, right, in the middle, and in between, searching for the right place for my heart to sit with respect to homosexuality.  I know that many Christians may be dismayed or shocked that I haven't been able to bundle Leviticus, Corinthians, and other passages in the Old and New Testaments into a simple testimony that homosexuality is wrong.

So, I've largely refrained from talking about it and continued to search.

In my last attempt at casting the net, I may have found a position of the heart that is biocompatible with my hungry but particular soul.   Instead of trying to sort through the Bible looking for a black and white answer that may be obscured by authentic ambiguity, I have found some peace in simply saying:

I don't know.
If asked about every homosexual relationship that was, is, and will be, I have no generalized truth to offer. I simply don't know if everything from the promiscuous to the committed homosexual relationship is wrong.  And to those who would tell me that the Bible says that it is wrong, I would point to how the Bible handles the issue of slaves and slavery.  If the Bible sanctioned slavery because it was historically acceptable to do so at the time it was written, could it not also have condemned homosexuality become it was historically acceptable to do so?  My I don't know is not an I do know that I am hiding in order to be politically correct.  It is what it says.  I don't know.

This space in the net of my heart is not static.  It changes as I meet and get to know homosexuals in my daily walk.  With each, I have some clear direction, but only one step ahead of me is lighted, no more, no less... and the step ahead is different from situation to situation.   With one friend, my prayer for him to find companionship that takes away the loneliness in his heart is pure, but I don't have any idea what that will and should look like.  With another friend, my desire for her to soften her heart to men, especially those who have hurt her, is also authentic, but what that means for her present relationship is not clear.  And, so on the list goes.  For everyone I know who is homosexual, I find an obvious direction and desire... a specific prayer for greater joy in their lives.  As long as I don't try to put all homosexuals in one bucket, as long as I look at people and lives one at a time, the confusion no longer lingers. Attempting to generalize, though, just gets me back into confusion and trouble.

So, I focus on the step I do see rather than the ones I don't see, leaving what is not well lit ahead of me to a growing cavern in my heart labelled I don't know.  Someone once said that I should lean not on my own understanding which is woefully incomplete and unreliable, but trust in a God that I can't possibly fully understand.   Who said that?

Am I wrong?  Do I need to cast the net once again?